What does everybody think of this so far?

I would like your comments on what you think of my story, yes I know the grammar and punctuation isn't great, but I would like to know your reviews on what you think of the story so far.



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Chapter one.

Shock, fear and understanding all washed over me in the moment my mother told me what I was and I felt as though I were standing outside of reality. But whatever she was saying made some sense to me -- as if it were in my blood, bones and spirit and everything she was saying was like it had been banging and banging in my head for the last 16 years and now was unavailing. Now that the barriers were down between me and my conscience and I was able to see, hear, smell and feel more clearly. What a birthday present. I wanted to run and run away from this and from the truth--the truth about me, and about what I was. Her words were echoing through my head; those were words that could change my life and most probably would. I would lose my friends, my popularity and worst of all Lawrence--my lover - my life - my star-crossed lover. I will be known as a freak and those chanting words that keep dancing in my mind and clogging everything else up with that single dreadful word: “witch”.



















Chapter two.

That night I cried myself to sleep. While the Sooth liquid tears swam down my delicate rose cheeks, my life I had known for 16 years felt like they were dissolving into nothingness like the tears on my face, like I was crying my past life out and would never come back, everything I knew, everything I had all turning into nothingness all in a sudden second. My life slipping away. The me I thought I knew, but now, my soul seems distant and different like I was being controlled by someone else, like a disease spreading through my body. Like cancer, that will eventually kill me, my soul. A sudden bang at the door startled me, but I had no attention to answer it, to anyone. Another bang softer and lighter, then come the voice in so many ways makes everything peaceful and makes you tremble and drift off into cloud nine, “Alysa, It’s me Lawrence. Open up.” And just like that all my worries went away and all I wanted to do was be in his arms and tell me everything was okay, but nothing would ever be okay not just with this “witch” thing, but also with Lawrence. He was the family guardian and nineteen. Even so I wanted to spend as much as time I could with him, no matter how upset and distraught I was. He always seemed to make it better until he went and the realization kicked in that we could never repeat never be together. Why did it have to be that way? The floor felt cold and made me shiver and tremble inside, my head was queasy and I felt light headed and felt like I might topple over any moment now, finally I reached the door knob and swung the door open and huddled myself into his warm body, molding us into one. The perfect fit. His scent wafted to me and made me feel at rest and ease. Those beautiful strong arms around me making me feel every bit more relieved that he hasn't rejected me and that he still loved me no matter what evil thing I was, and it makes me so glad that he will be there for me through this terrible stuff and I would have someone to come back to, to hold me and caress me like this and then everything would be okay. “Alysa? I need to talk to you.”

“Okay” My voice trembled and ended on sob because all my previous worries came back to me, maybe he didn't want me, maybe he was repulsed at me and was here to break it up. I couldn't live with that, I can’t even bear to think of it, I could hear him say it now in his soothing voice but with a cold edge to it, that he thought I was freaked and he didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't help it, I couldn't hold them back anymore, and I poured out with tears and sobbed so hard I never knew I could. His face looked guilty and then I knew he was here for what I thought he was here for, and that made me break down even more. To lose him. Then I was in his arms again and he was stroking my hair and telling me everything was going to be okay. And I knew it was not okay. I pulled away from him for the first time ever and looked at him, before I could do anything I blurted “You’re here to tell me you don’t want me and that I’m a freak, aren’t you?” He looked stricken and taking back like being punched in the face. Then everything changed his lips were to mine, his perfect shaped lips with so much passion conjoined with them they were hard to resist, the warm hot feel that I felt seeping through my veins like a electric shock of love. And then the world stopped. He stopped. And then came his elegant voice soft and caring and full of devotion,

“Alysa, why on heavens earth do you think I would do that. I love you and always will, you know that as much as I do, and
What does everybody think of this so far?
Very very very very very long winded , you took all that time just to say that ? You could have done it in a couple of sentences . You write like most women talk , 90% irrelevance 10% information . No one's ever going to get through a whole book of that much witter . It's also full of %26quot;clee - shays%26quot; ( yeah I can't spell that word ) , there's a reason most writers are over thirty at least , before you can write you need to live .
What does everybody think of this so far?
It's not bad hun.

There may be a few to many adjectives...but its not bad.



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