How does one change a deep seeded fear that has negatively impacted friendships and created habits of an AHole?

I lost my idea of friendship when i was 22. Not because of backstabbing, jealousy, distrust, etc, but because of a night that started simply enough and ended in me talking my way out of getting Dying.



I entered the bar, and me being the sober one at that time, was asked by a friend for a small favor. Her friend who had a little too much to drink needed to go home but couldn't drive, yet also didn't want to leave her car at the spot. The nice guy inside me flourished and i accepted. Harmless enough. I got in her car and drove her home, finding out on the drive that her house was a little farther away than what was insinuated (about 15 miles). We go inside and she calls a taxi service to come get me. They called back 10 minutes later to say they don't go that far out of town (this is where the night shifted).



Stuck in the middle of nowhere. My only option was to get back in her car and go back to the bar. Problem was, once i figured out that that was my only option, she proceeded to put on an old record and began crying. Drunk crying. It got bad. In my head i was freaking out. I talked with her for a bit, but to no avail. A little later, She calmed down a bit for me to explain my situation. As she made her way to grab the keys, i got up and started walking towards the door. I heard keys jiggling as she walked out of the kitchen. She looked at me by the door and weirdly began to hurry towards her bedroom. As I stood there, i saw something glisten from the dark hallway. The little old lady came into the light, pointed a small revolver straight at me, and began drunkenly telling me that i came here to kill her.



...



I survived...By talking her down. But from that moment on, i realize that from that point on i had never allowed myself to be that nice again. I stopped doing favors for friends and family. I couldn't even give my friends a ride to work when we worked the same shifts (i got over that one). But i realize that that was a changing point in my life to where now some might describe me as an asshole because of this deep seeded survival fear that habitually dictates the actions that i take (or do not take in some cases).
How does one change a deep seeded fear that has negatively impacted friendships and created habits of an AHole?
Wow.

She was obviously very disturbed. You can thank your intelligence for the ability to talk yourself out of such a situation!



However, not everybody will be like that in your life. You seem to be punishing other genuine people for the actions of this one, deranged old lady.

There's no need to stop doing favours for those you care for. You should though, have boundaries. Like to never again give lifts to those you don't really know! Besides, any favour that would put you out to an extreme sense like becoming stranded like you did, is detrimental to your self, therefore shouldn't be done. Often, people see being taken advantage of, as doing 'favours' for people. It's an easy situation to get oneself into, but a hard one to get out of without causing some negativity.

Yes, if you've stopped helping your friends(once you have rationally understood the consequences of your actions) with anything, you will be seen as not a very helpful friend and consequentially, will lose some of your friends.

You have to remember, we all have friends for selfish reasons - not because we think we'd be good as a friend for someone, but because WE need friends. This works both ways.

So if you're no longer acting like a friend to those you want as friends, they won't really want you, as you serve no real purpose to them. Harsh perhaps, but ultimately true.



As for changing this...hmm.

Perhaps a realisation that this was only one event in many successful ones?

It seems like the event had the opportunity to learn valuable lessons from. It's just such a shame that you seem to have only took the negative aspects from it!