1) Could it be classed as a recount?
2) What could the title be?
3) Is it any good?
thanks in advance :)
Muffled voices spoke in hushed tones, I knew they were talking about me but I was too sleepy to care. I let the darkness wash over me, beautiful sleep was so close…
“Emily,” a loud voice interrupted, “can you squeeze my fingers?”
“Yes,” I thought, “How hard can it be?” But nothing happened, it was like my hands were not joined to my body. It felt strange; perhaps I should be worried. Surely this wasn’t normal! Feeling the warm arms of unconsciousness wrapping around me the voices disappeared and any worries faded away.
(italics)I spun around at the sound, knocking the blue boxes off the shelf in front of me. It was just kids playing in the next aisle. “Calm down,” I thought to myself, looking down at my trembling hands. I picked up the plastic wrapped boxes one by one. Grabbing a handful, I headed to the closest checkout, pulling my hood over my head.
“Just these,” I said to the bored looking employee.
“$21.50,” she answered, her tone matching her solemn expression.
Pushing the notes into her hand I just wanted to get back to the safety of my car, away from all these people.
“Thanks,” I muttered shoving the three boxes and change into my pockets. Head down, I made my way through the crowded store and slumped into my seat. My hand made its way to the lock, the familiar click slowed my racing heart, I was safe from the prying eyes.
(normal)I was woken by a blinding light, I tried to move away but something was holding me in place. Eyes slowly adjusting to the light I looked around and saw my mother’s face, stained with tears. Then the doctor spoke.
“Look, there’s no easy way to say this, I don’t think there is any chance of a full recovery. Emily has sustained significant damage to her liver and there is also a possibility of brain damage.” I saw my mother collapse to the floor and felt my eyes drooping again. I tried to fight the darkness this time, I wanted to scream out to mum, tell her I was still here but it was too late…
(italics)Everything was ready, I looked around my room, taking in all the small details I would miss, the pillow that nearly caught fire, the patch on the carpet where my brother had spilled the beer we stole. I wiped the tears from my cheek and propped the envelope up on my side table. I tore the shiny wrapping off the first box and the silver contents fell into my hand. I popped out the little white pills one by one and placed them on the table. Wondering how many I would need, I decided not to risk it and put the whole pile in my mouth, gulped down some water and swallowed. I tore open the other packets and downed them too.
Then I waited. Feeling my eyes prickling I looked around my bedroom once more, pictures of smiling faces surrounded the walls, I don’t remember how to feel that happy, it has been months since a smile graced my lips. Trying to fight back the tears that were now flowing down my face, I picked up my photo album I made when I was in year 9. I ran my fingers over the photos of family holidays, sleepovers and sports days, struggling to see them through the tears.
(normal)I woke with a start. Mum, holding my hand in a chair next to my bed, jumped at the sound.
“Em! Oh Emily!” she cried, “You’re awake!”
“Yeah,” I responded, my brain was extremely foggy.
“Ben, call the doctor, Em’s awake,” she shouted. My brother flew into the room faster than humanly possible, lunged at me and pulled me into the tightest bear hug. He knocked one of the wires connecting me to a machine and it started beeping and flashing lights. The doctor and nurse rushed in and exchange a look of surprise, which turned to worry. I was surprised too, and worried. I was here, now, alive and awake. I had failed.
“Helen, may I have a quick word with you outside?” The doctor said to my mother, after a minute of quiet discussion with the nurses. She gave me a kiss on the forehead before she left.
(Italics)My head was spinning, I knew there wasn’t much time. I reached for a fresh sheet of paper and scribbled “Mum, I love you”. It was all I could manage through the waterfall that my face had become. The ink had smudged and the writing was a mess due to the tremors now surging through my hands. I placed the new letter next to the already sealed envelope and laid down on my freshly made bed. This was it! At least it would be dignified, I was in control. I had my favourite dress and heels on, I wanted everyone to remember me like this. I folded my arms over my chest and closed my eyes.
(normal) Mum returned to the room, her brows were knitted with worry, I can tell she was trying to hide it from me, but it was written all over her face. My heart raced, I did not want to hear bad news. I wanted everything to be back to normal, I do not want my family to suffer anymore. I want to live!
Before I coul
Can you help with this short story?
wow its extremely good! i really like the flashback parts and the story is pretty intense. i hope you finish it!
1) yes it could classify as a recount but you would need parts that hint that this story is a recount.
2)Last Chance (i guess cause its like a suicide so it fits)
3)like i said, its really good. u obviously didnt finish it on here but i hope that it has a good ending.also, make sure you add why she wanted to suicide, and i guess, have more flashbacks about her life or something. But you seem like your heading into the right place!
maybe you could also makeit into a book then just a short story. it would make a very good read!
Can you help with this short story?
wow your amazing ...love it ...its def a recount ...will think of a title and post it on here..hmmm please read mine if u had the time too
thanks
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