Is my story good? Should I change anything? Comments and critiques much appreciated! :D ?

CHAPTER ONE

I was aware that I was on my back, sprawled out like a bug, and my head ached like hell. Groaning, I propped myself up on my hands; I felt fake grass underneath. I pulled my knees up to my chest and lay my head between them, rubbing my temples. I finally reopened my eyes.

It was like being in some freaky dream. There were no walls as far as I could see, which wasn鈥檛 far, considering all I could see was darkness. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away from me, which I looked up at-the light hurt my eyes it was so bright-and found it came from a flat light bulb. I couldn鈥檛 see the sides or back of it; it was like the bulb was floating in space, pointing directly at me. It lit up a little circle of area around me, and I was indeed on fake green grass. I stood up, feeling fragile.

Very few thoughts went through my head. I knew I should be worried, questioning why I was there, what this place was, how to get out, how I got there; but I just couldn鈥檛 bring myself to hold any thought too securely. I kept drifting back into mental silence, a dream-like state. Maybe it was a dream, I decided, and for the moment my worries ceased. So I stood there, motionless for a moment or two.

It was then that I realized how silent it truly was.

I wasn鈥檛 breathing.

A bolt of shock flashed through me and I desperately tried to inhale. Nothing happened. I looked down at my torso, and had I been able, I would have screamed. There was dry blood all over me. I frantically clawed my shirt up and saw three bullet holes. I realized there was no pain, but I was not about to touch them. I felt my back, my hands shaking uncontrollably, and snatched my hand back away when I felt that the holes went all the way through. My eyes hurt because I couldn鈥檛 cry, but I still tried to, tried to scream. I was shaking all over, and pulled my jeans up as far as I could get them. I found no comfort in my chest being the only wound I held out my arms, felt through my hair, ran my hands down my neck, checked everything in a hysterical, silent, blur. I was bruised all over.

I fell to my knees, flailing my arms around, hitting the ground, helpless to the situation. It was torture not to be able to scream, cry, or even try to calm myself with deep breathing. I put my hands over my eyes, unable to stop my entire body from twitching with fear and shock. This couldn鈥檛 be real.

How was I still alive? A horrible thought kept trying to claw its way into my head but I wouldn鈥檛 let it in. Wouldn鈥檛 let myself think it.

When did this happen? I couldn鈥檛 have been shot. When was I shot? I wasn鈥檛. But I had the wounds. Are they even real? I paused. I clung to that question in my head. Held it tight, for all hope.

They weren鈥檛 real. I was trying to convince myself. They didn鈥檛 hurt so it wasn鈥檛 real. I鈥檓 not breathing. How am I not breathing! Of course I鈥檓 breathing.

I鈥檓 not breathing. My heart is not beating.

I swallowed. Thank god.

I can鈥檛 swallow if I鈥檓鈥 wouldn鈥檛 let the thought in. I tried to swallow again. Nothing happened. No! I tried again. I had no more spit.

I took my hands off my eyes and looked at my shirt again. I sent another wave of fear through me. I bent forward, testing myself. There was no pain.

I rubbed my eyes. They sill hurt. If I wasn鈥檛 producing saliva I wouldn鈥檛 be producing more tears. I鈥檇 have to keep that in mind. Close my eyes whenever I remembered. Keep them moist.

What was I thinking? I鈥檓 alive. I鈥檓 alive. I looked at my shirt again, this time trying to see it as fake blood. It looked really real. Like a scary movie. And it was a white shirt, so my blood-the fake blood, I corrected myself-stood out. My whole body shivered. My leg wouldn鈥檛 stop twitching. But I was still clinging to the only hope I could think of. This was a cruel joke. Of course I鈥檓 alive. Of course I鈥檓 breathing, producing saliva and tears. Of course this wasn鈥檛 my blood. I didn鈥檛 even remember getting shot.

I held my shirt out so I could see through the three holes. It didn鈥檛 look like someone cut them out with scissors.

I didn鈥檛 remember this happening. I stopped short.

I didn鈥檛 remember anything. Absolutely nothing, before today. Was it day? I rubbed my eyes again. I think they were getting dry. My head was still throbbing. I desperately wished I was dreaming. My back ached, too. This wasn鈥檛 a dream.

It was a horrifying, horrifying reality. And then the thought found a way in. I didn鈥檛 want it to, but it did.

I am dead.

I started screaming again, though nothing came out. My thoughts were incoherent. I stood violently and staggered towards the light. It stayed the same distance from me. I ran at it. I jumped. I am dead.

I don鈥檛 know how long passed until I became calm. Very, very calm, sitting on my shins, my hands folded, head drooped.

I felt numb. I wondered if this was what being in a state of shock was like.

My life didn鈥檛 flash before my eyes. I couldn鈥檛 remember anything from it. Maybe that
Is my story good? Should I change anything? Comments and critiques much appreciated! :D ?
%26quot;There were no walls as far as I could see, which wasn鈥檛 far, considering all I could see was darkness. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away from me, which I looked up at-the light hurt my eyes it was so bright-and found it came from a flat light bulb. %26quot;



I would change this part to

%26quot;There were no walls as far as I could see; darkness surrounded me. It was the strangest thing. There was a light a few steps away, and when I peered up at it my eyes burned from its intensity. Where was this light coming from?%26quot;



I would also take out the last sentences %26quot;Enough questions. My head hurts.%26quot; I like the ending in the sense that she still had unanswered questions. Those last two sentences did not seem to flow evenly like the rest of the chapter did.



Other than that I think it is a great start! I can't wait to read more about it
Is my story good? Should I change anything? Comments and critiques much appreciated! :D ?
huh
It was great. Too bad for the end being cut off.
Indent the lParagraphs. and the sentences dont go well with eachother

1/5
pretty good and very descriptive i would read the rest if i could


good job! i like it.

lots of details which allowed me to imagine the scenery.

but i think that u should change one thing though... instead of writing %26quot;fake grass%26quot;, u should use the word %26quot;turf%26quot; instead (turf is fake grass). haha it makes u sound smarter. jk.

happy writing!

:]