Rumor has it Billy Graham Ministries is starting up a Emotional Support Group for middle aged men experiencing hair loss. Apparently they close every meeting with the benediction, %26quot;Go, and thin no more!%26quot;
They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers.
Good King Wenceslas went out to the pizza parlour and ordered a pizza. The assistant asked, %26quot;Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?%26quot;
A vicar was talking to one of his parishioners. He said %26quot;When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter.%26quot; %26quot;What do you say that%26quot;, enquires the parishioner. The vicar replies %26quot;Well, I often find myself going into a room and thinking what did I come in hear after.%26quot;
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
-10. One to actually change the bulb, and 9 to say how much they like the old one
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
-Two, one to do it and a priest to hear him confess and give the old bulb last rites
How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?
-Well, it should require about five committees to review the idea first. If each is staffed with half a dozen members, that's what ... 30?
Once there was a guy named Joe. One day he died and found himself standing in front of the pearly gates.
St. Peter: %26quot;Joe, if you can answer one question, I'll let you into heaven.%26quot; Joe: %26quot;sounds easy enough.%26quot;
St. Peter: %26quot;O.K., who is with you always?%26quot; Joe: %26quot;Oh, that's easy: Andy!%26quot;
St. Peter: %26quot;Andy?%26quot; Joe: %26quot;Yeah, haven't you heard that hymn, 鈥楢ndy walks with me, Andy talks with me?'%26quot;
The Top 10 Things People Think About While Singing a Hymn
10. The pot roast.
9. What does pastor wear under robes?
8. Will the person behind me ever hit the right note?
7. 90 minutes till kickoff.
6. Did I turn off the curling iron?
5. The likelihood of the ceiling fan falling and hitting me on the head.
4. How many people have lost more hair than I have?
3. How would the hymn sound if Metallica played it?
2. Are there doughnuts at fellowship?
1. How many more verses?
What about these then for my last lot today lets have some Religion Laughter ?
Nice ones and I can only say one thing.....
You go to a cockfight.
How do you know if an American is there?....... He's the one with a duck.
How do you know if an Irishman is there?.......He bets on the duck.
How do you know if the Mafia is there?....... The duck wins.
What about these then for my last lot today lets have some Religion Laughter ?
Hahahaha
nice one. the lasr one is sooo true!
I Don't Get It x
great!
a nun and a preist are travelling across the desert on a camel. the camel drops dead leaving the two doomed. realising their fate the preist asks the nun to expose her boobs and she agrees providing he shows her his willy.
they fondle each other and the preist gets a stiffy.
%26quot;did you know if i put this in the right place i can create life%26quot; says the preist.
%26quot;right%26quot; says the nun %26quot;stick it up that camels **** and lets get the fcuk out of here!%26quot;
Some were corny and some were good my fave is the St. Peter's Joke andy walks with me... I have one for you:-
Shirley %26amp; Marcy
A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it.
She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the
mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.
She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As t he two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.
Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week?
Do you know her?' Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.'
The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?' 'That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied, 'and her daughter Marcy.'
'Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?'
'Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'
May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.
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