This is the start of a chapter half way through my book - can i have Your feedback please?

(this is the start of a chapter half way through my book. Its my first draft i just want to know if it has depth and your opinions - a little background Lexi and Matt the lead character have known each other for 2 years, they had a complicated friendship and are in love, they finally got together and spent the whole Summer together, however everything went wrong and they spent the summer arguing, the source of the arguing will be told later, p.s Hannah is Lexi's best friend and my ex girlfriend)



“What? There is no way you can blame me for that!”



Fuming Lexi shouts back at me

“Yes, I can - Its your fault”



“How can you even say that - I suppose the whole summer was my fault!”



Driving back onto campus for what should be my penultimate year, my junior year, we drive through all the eager new freshman faces and all the old students returning and moving into their new or old homes.



Lexi slams on the breaks, staring a hole through me she grabs my bag from the back seat, she throws it at me, shouting

“You know what, don’t even talk to me anymore”



Shaking my head, I get out the car gladly replying

“Fine by me, I wont. I’ll finally be able to get some bloody peace”



She also gets out the car, she slams the door shut replying

“good, go get some peace then”



Mirroring her actions by slamming my door I say

“I bloody well will”



She starts to walk off in a huff, storming away. God this girl knows how to overreact to the most trivial things. Walking through the scattered crowds of students I catch her up we are both heading to the same place. We start barging each other out the way, a few freshman stop and ask me for my autograph wile other take in their surroundings. Lexi keeps on walking, getting the steps of my building she looks back at me for a second giving me a hellish dirty look and walks inside.

- Walking into my building, the guy on reception hands me my keys and welcomes me back. Lexi is already in the elevator frantically pressing the button to close the doors, I grab it just in time. The eyes of students light up as they watch me walk in, I shuffle over to the opposite side to where Lexi is standing. We don’t talk, we don’t even look at each other, the tension between us is making the other students uneasy, they don’t know where to look. As soon as the doors open she flies out storming down the hall and walks into Hannah’s room, great that’s all I need, her moaning about the whole summer to Hannah. I take my time walking back to my room through the frantic crowded hallway as I say hello to everybody I know. A few freshman come over to me introducing themselves with some asking for my autograph.

Stepping into my room peace and serenity is finally all around me and I can rest my mind from Lexi.

Looking around the room its in the same state as I left it in when I left for summer. I head into my bedroom and drop to my bed for a moment.

- After laying on my bed thinking of the summer I Get changed and head off to the Tavern.
This is the start of a chapter half way through my book - can i have Your feedback please?
i liked it. it was very interesting and the diologue was intense. the detail was nice. lexi seems very much like the girls you always attract lol.
This is the start of a chapter half way through my book - can i have Your feedback please?
I like it but a few little pointers:



*You seem to be telling the reader not showing them. It can make all the difference as this can bore the reader easily.

*I'm not so keen on the dialogue. 'She also gets out of the car, she slams the door shut replying'. This doesn't ring right with me. 'She also gets out of the car,' is not necessary. How about just trying 'She slams the door shut replying' or just leave it as:



Shaking my head, I get out the car gladly replying, “Fine by me, I wont. I’ll finally be able to get some bloody peace”



“Good, go get some peace then!”



Mirroring her actions I slammed the door. “I bloody well will!”



You need to read your work out loud and listen to the fluency. I hope this has helped.