Short extract from my story, advice needed? 10 points?

This is the end of my preface and the start of chapter one. (not the end of the chapter). If anyone could point out any mistakes, misspellings or grammar issues, please let me know. Any critiqueing is welcome :) Thank you



I come to an intersection and while waiting for the light to turn green, I imagine what my life would be like if we had never moved. Picturing the serene hills of the countryside and the beautiful sunrise in the mornings, I want nothing more than to go back there, to my normal and happy life.



The light changes and I move into the intersection. Suddenly, I hear a roaring engine and screeching tires. I look up and see a large truck swerving towards me, its headlights growing closer. It is too late and I scream. I brace myself for the pain from metal crashing against metal. But there is nothing. Just silence.

Chapter 1



The morning sky is painted a serene portrait of pink melting into yellow and vivid red. As the sun rises from behind the mountains, light dances across the field of wheat and casts a golden glow that shimmers through the air.

In the midst of the vast yellow sea stands a single tree on which I now sit.

Gazing up at the sky, the moon is still visible in the soft glow of the sun. I smile to myself. The air is warm with a slight breeze that caresses my long brown hair.

Above me, an apple hangs loosely to a branch and I pluck it off. Biting into it, memories of when I first discovered this spot of paradise escapes me.

There seems to be something special about this place, something so simple and thought-provoking. I use this time to think. Every other hour of the day is filled with people who believe there鈥檚 no need to wonder when everything鈥檚 so perfect. What more could I want?



With a sigh, I finish my apple and jump down off the low tree branch. It鈥檚 time to start the day.

My mind wanders through the possibilities. I could sign up for a hike in the East Mountains, go for a walk through town, or maybe鈥y mind rejects the idea. The forest is off-limits to everyone. Its unmarked land could be dangerous. Besides, the sheer darkness of it isn鈥檛 the most welcoming sight.

I shake the thought out of my head. Instead, I choose to go into town, though I doubt anyone will be up at this hour.

It鈥檚 a short walk up north from the field and so I arrive before long. The vintage buildings loom overhead, blocking out the bit of morning light that鈥檚 trying to shine through. Street lamps still burn from being lit the night before and the black cobblestone road gleams in reflection.

Stretching out in front of me is row upon row of diners, shops, theatres, and stands. Each painted a glorious red and gold color, almost as if to match the colors of the sunrise.

No matter how many times I visit the city, it never ceases to amaze me with its timeless beauty.
Short extract from my story, advice needed? 10 points?
%26gt;Gazing up at the sky, the moon is still visible in the soft glow of the sun.



If you're talking about the Earth's natural satellite, the word 'Moon' should be capitalized. Also, it's not the Moon that's doing the gazing, it's you; your sentence structure should reflect that.



%26gt;Above me, an apple hangs loosely to a branch



You typically say 'on' or 'from' a branch, not 'to'.



%26gt;Biting into it, memories of when I first discovered this spot of paradise escapes me.



Conflict of plurality here. 'Escapes' is the singular, 'memories' is the plural.



%26gt;It鈥檚 a short walk up north from the field and so I arrive before long.



You finished this sentence in a weird way. Also, it seems a bit abrupt after the extended description earlier. You could make this part a bit more smooth.
Short extract from my story, advice needed? 10 points?
Where it says %26quot;In the midst of the vast yellow sea stands a single tree on which I now sit.%26quot; sounds like you're saying she is actually sitting on the tree. Maybe you could say that %26quot;In the midst of the vast yellow sea stands a single tree where I now sit on one of it's branches.%26quot; (I know it's kind of a stretch though)



Also, maybe find a synonym for serene. Such as tranquil, calm, or placid. That's it for me, the person before me said everything else.