The alley's were dark and the gas stations abandoned. No cars were on the street, everything was still.
I walked past the rundown grocery store I passed every night. The guy who worked the night shift sat at the counter, half asleep, knowing that no customers would come.
I decided to drop in and get myself a coke. I still had a while to walk before I got home.
The doorbell chimes made noise as I walked in. It was a small store with just a few things and one counter. The street outside was black and I could see the traffic light changing for no one, it's light the only thing making anything visible.
The highway ran overhead and the half-used apartments across the road were the only signs of life.
I shoved my hands into my pockets and started in search of the one caffeine-free diet coke they might have in the store.
I gave a nod to the cashier, Ralph, and he grunted in reply. I was the only customer that ever came in after nine, so Ralph and I had gotten acquainted seeing as how he was the only night person and worked from 8p.m. to 7a.m. everyday.
Just as I was reaching in to grab the diet coke I'd settled for I heard a noise. I jerked my head around and out of the corner of my eye I could see Ralph had done the same.
A beat up green Suburban drove past on the street. Ralph adn I shared an inquisitorial glance, nobody drove around or was out in our side of town past nine o' clock besides me. It just wasn't safe.
I knew that something was about to happen and so did Ralph. I grabbed the coke and walked up to the register.
%26quot;I'll call you,%26quot; I said. We all had an understanding in our neighborhood. If something happened, we called each other. You had to know what had happened.
%26quot;Thanks, man,%26quot; Ralph said. He wrang up my diet coke and then I walked out, with the dorrbell chimes sending and empty, hollow soun through ths store.
I wont post anymore now. Please keep in mind I'm a teenager but please be honest. Thanks!
1 hour ago - 4 days left to answer.
Can anyone give me some constructive critisicm for a beginner on my story?
There's too much %26quot;I did this%26quot; and %26quot;I did that%26quot;. Try to vary your sentence structure a bit to make it more interesting for the readers. Also, you have a huge opportunity to add detail and description, but you sort of skirt over it to continue your story. When you're writing, you should have a sort of mental picture in your head, so let us know what it looks like. Describe what your character is seeing, but do it without adding too much detail for that can bore the readers.
Your grammar is good, thank goodness. I read a lot of stories on here that are full of absolutely NOTHING. No punctuation. Misuse of tense/perspective. And a million other things. It was a relief to read something by someone who had a basic grasp of the %26quot;Rules of Literature%26quot;. Despite this, your story needs some work.
Keep writing and good luck to you!
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