Husband/mother in law . how would most people deal with this?

My mother in law is a miserable person and resents her son and I being married. when we got married she had just finalized her divorce after being separated for a year. after I married her son I found out that she had been cutting her self, punching her self and doing other self destructive things. I cried for her many times and have always been kind to her but I found out that she would confront my aunt (they work together)and say that I was not good enough for her son and that she wanted him to divorce me. while a few people claim this behavior is because of her divorce many of her co-workers and other people have come forward and said she has always been mean spirited and miserable. she made similar remarks when her other son got married . the only person she cares about is her daughter and she goes to the other extreme with her claiming she is a saint and will never get a divorce.



I am to the point now where I could care less about her but she won't stop telling every body crap about me. she continued to send her son to live with his dad when he was a child and when he came home after moving back to texas she kicked him out . now that he is married she calls constantly for him to fix things (changing light bulbs ,hearing squirrels at 3:00 am etc..) or to be nosy. she even had the nerve to call us on fathers day (his first as a step father) at 7:00 to ask him to put his sisters bed back together even though her 24 year old husband was there. we are expected to dote on little sis. it seems like she never wanted her son while he was growing up but now that he is married she want's him to fail.



what is this woman's problem i think she has narcissistic personality disorder . she is always having surgery or breaking bones to have an excuse to have surgery and get attention. people have to come stay with her when she is sick and I swear she is addicted to pain pills and xanax. her 2nd ex-husband left her for a woman he had been friend for over 20 years and while my mom in law is always sick,depressed,mean,and demanding the girlfriend is bubbly ,happy, always smiling, and loves life. yes she committed adultery but she has always been a cheerful woman. ( i have known her since i was 8 and my ex-boss always called her a ray of sunshine).



i also found out that my mother in law always took care of finances when she was married and that she would take her exes checks and made him ask for money or run any purchases by her. when her son and i were dating she would take his checks and pay his bill or %26quot;manage%26quot; his finances. i told him to he was 25 and old enough to handle money. now that we are married he handles all our finances and we are doing well and are never late on bills. i know this pisses her off.



my husband was in the Marines corp for 4 years and she always trashes him for this(she says he was a good man until the marine corp). he stopped drinking when he met me. we have a nice home and new truck . so we have made a nice life and have been married for 5 years and she still makes a point of telling every body at work she cant wait for us to divorce and that she hates me. i try so hard to be kind to her but now my husband is changing. he has become extremely possessive of me and gets jealous of even my time with my children,he is rough with me(is always slapping my butt, putting me in head locks or physically restraining me when he does not want me to do something.) i have Multiple Sclerosis and I have severe pain and mobility problems when it is not in remission. he knows this and sometimes i think he enjoys hurting me or thinks its funny. this is not the kind loving man i married. its like he is absorbing his moms personality. what do i do.



I know it looks like i just wrote a damn book but that felt good to get that out. my kids are teens now and know whats going and try to talk to me about this but i refuse to burden them with this. any honest opinions or similar experiences are welcomed.
Husband/mother in law . how would most people deal with this?
Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd say your mother in law is my mother in law's twin sister.



Just because she is related to you doesn't mean you have to be close or even like each other. She has been cruel to many people and the fact she had two men leave her speaks for itself. She is controlling and like you said, narcissistic.



Because this is your husband's mom, he needs to step up. She is a miserable woman and he knows this. Just because it's his mom it's no excuse. He needs to stand up for his wife.



That brings us to the other problem - no man should be roughing up his wife, especially a woman with MS. You hit the nail on the head that he is showing some of his mom's personality. He has to realize that his mother's behavior, and his behavior is hurting you. Until he realizes it and does something about it, there isn't much you can do but leave.



As for your kids if they are old enough and want you to talk about it, why don't you? It must be hard for them to watch you in pain and bottle it up. They know this man a lot better than any of us on this board do. Their opinions are important too.



It is cliche to suggest you go for counseling, but it would probably help, especially if you have no one to talk to. Counselors are great because they have experience with all kinds of problems.



I wish you the best and hope this man wakes up and starts treating you better.
Husband/mother in law . how would most people deal with this?
i did not read all of it (sorry) but i got your drift. how about you have your husband stop being a push over and stop being a mom's boy and growup and say no to his mom when she makes unreasonable request if not then you have to decide to either live with it or leave him.
Sounds like the poor woman is so miserable with herself, she will never be happy and she doesnt want anyone else to be happy either.
I think you know the answer to your problem already, but are too scared to admit it. every time something happens, you make a mental note of it. I have worked for many years with patients with MS and I am sorry to say this, but MS patients are known for being pedantic and will focus on one thing.

You can take the long road or the short one. The long one is you put up with it. You understand where he comes from, dysfunctional family, serving in marines has all had an effect on him making it difficult for him to overcome his shortcomings. You can learn ways to cope with this and don't worry what anyone else says. There is an old saying %26quot;to err is human - to forgive divine%26quot;. A broken relationship can never be healed unless we forgive those who have upset us. Oh yes, I am the first to admit that it is not easy, but after 31 years of marriage I'm sure I have learnt something about marriage by now.

Well we all know what the short one is and this is the one many take, when things get too hard. Life is full of surprises, so we have to make the best of every day as it all goes too fast. Talk to your kids, share your love with them, you don't have to tell them everything but you will be surprised how much your kids already know and how wise they are. They if anyone, probably know you better than anyone else as they live with you every day. Keep talking things out, tell your husband all your fears and worries and when he knows them you can work together to strengthen your relationship.