Is this a good story?

A bad night





Peering through the small window, Alex saw something move in the shadows, she thought nothing of it as she went to the bathroom to take a shower. Alex then took down her long blond hair from the neat ponytail she placed it in for her best friends party, she then started to remove her new black dress letting it drop to her ankles revelling her white lease bra and matching panties. Slipping into the warm shower she had started before she heard the ruffling of the bushes outside her bathroom window, thinking it was nothing she quickly finished washing her hair, wrapped a towel around her and dashed to her large tan coloured bedroom to change into her light baby pink nighty. While she changed she heard a sound again, this time coming from the front door.

“Hello...is anybody there?” Alex asked more than a little scared

“Don’t worry my love it will all be ok from now on” A mysterious voice said from behind her

She couldn’t place where this voice came from but she knew it came from somewhere, she’s heard it before. Somewhere. But there was no time to think about where the voice was from there was someone in her house, someone darengrous who might hurt her or worse. Without giving it a second thought she ran to the phone and called 911 but there was nothing, no dial tone, no voice on the other end just silence and as Alex stood there in the silence with the phone place at her ear, staring a head of her where a man came out of the shadows. Now Alex knows where he was from, the dark circles around his almost black eyes, hunched back and scruffy beard, this man was the one who ruined Tammy’s party for her. He had come up to her, Tammy and Kara and told them they were beautiful and that he loves them all. The whole night ran through Alex’s mind it was strange how he wouldn’t leave them alone all night and how he kept telling them they were the light of his life and now he was standing in her dining room giving her a look as if to tell her something was going to happen that she wouldn’t like. The stared at one another for ten minitnits before the stranger ran to Alex, grabbed her, flung her to the ground and began kissing her. There was nothing Alex could do this man was stronger so much stronger then her all she could do was lay there. The stranger striped her of her clothes and started to rape her continually, and right before he stabbed her in the side so she could bleed to death he spoke and told her

“You will be seeing your friends soon don’t worry my love.”

After he left, leavening Alex broken and bleeding to death on the kitchen floor she reached her arm out slowly, grabbed the phone that had fallen close to her and dialled 911.

“911 what’s your emergency” the operator said

“I-I was raped and....he...stabbed me” Alex forced out feeling her tears running down her face

“The police and an ambulance are on their way” The operator said

Alex smiled hearing help was on the way but as she waited with the operator on the other line she dropped the phone and everything went black. The last thing Alex heard was someone telling her everything was going to be alright, help was here now.
Is this a good story?
OMG OMG i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please please please continue!!!! and when you do (which i know you'll do :P) PLEASE send me it on my yahoo answers email!!!
Is this a good story?
Really good, can't wait for more!



Good luck:)
I like it, I like the opening sentence it had me hooked.



*please check mine out :)*
GREAAAAT STORY!
Well, let's start out with the good. The plot is a suspenseful, at least enough to keep a reader's attention.

Now, the bad. You used commas in places where it would've been better to use periods, and you need some commas in many parts of this passage. Also there were a few misspelled words. The story seems to be told in a vague and dull way, and everything seems to be happening a little too quick.

I would suggest a slower direction to the climax here, just not so draggy that the reader would feel uninterested.

I can't say much but this because I'm not sure if this is one of the first chapters of your story or if it's the climax chapter itself.

Not my best critique, but I hope I helped out somewhat. (:
good but i thought this part was stupid -

The stared at one another for ten minitnits before the stranger ran to Alex, grabbed her, flung her to the ground and began kissing her. There was nothing Alex could do this man was stronger so much stronger then her all she could do was lay there. The stranger striped her of her clothes and started to rape her continually,

i mean it is stupid sorry i just dont like that part if you put it in other words its really sounds like a s.e.x story sorry not my thing
i like it read mine please

called the OverSeer

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
It has some promise. There are several spelling and grammatical errors. Also, I don't understand how the phone doesn't work before the rape but does afterward. That doesn't make any sense. There has to be consistency in stories. I really enjoyed the ending though!